People of the Week, Issue 2

Good evening,

It has recently come to our attention that I, the Director of Photography, and my publication of the People of the Week have been confused with the Board and its various productions. While my weekly publication is fully reviewed by the Board, POTW is strictly under the jurisdiction of the DOP. 

Now that this has been made clear, let us proceed to this week's POTW. I have chosen to draw links to members that, despite residing outside of the house (currently), remain undeniably and intimately linked to Durland and its residents. Their sanity is clearly in question. We apologize for the tardiness of this production. In no particular order, here they are:

1) 鄭成功 Zhèng Chénggong (Kongxia) (August 28, 1624—June 23, 1662)

Gabriel Pratt

Born in Japan, Zheng Chenggong, known in Western history as Kongxia, was a successful pirate and military leader that resisted the Manchu invasion of China and made Taiwan the base of his operations until his death at the age of 37. Gabe came to us from Japan and has attempted to resist our cultural influence on his heathen, barbaric ways. 

Despite his barbarism, Gabe is a well-known academic powerhouse that is continuing his studies in far off San Diego. Kongxia, too, was an accomplished scholar, passing the imperial examination system during the waning years of the Ming Empire. Both of them had rather unconventional childhoods that may have prepared them for the turbulence of their later years. Or, they may have led to them to life of wanton destruction (Gabe massacres kittens, right?). We will let you be the judge.

Zheng Chenggong had contact with various cultures that were settled in eastern Asia at the time, including the Japanese, Chinese, Manchus, native Taiwanese, Dutch, Portuguese and Spanish. Gabe, as well, has gallivanted across eastern Asia, searching for "contact" with various members of different cultural entities, usually (but not limited to) those of the female persuasion (we all remember the "I-Love-You-Too Phone Call," don't we?). Even Zheng's enemies wrote about his exploits and, in the end, came to honor him. The Manchu Qing dynasty established a temple to him in Taiwan after his death. The Dutch published popular accounts of his defeat of their forces. We, too, lap up any news of Gabe's lurid adventures, pressing him to reveal every tantalizing tidbit. We can only hope that Gabe's story is not cut short like Zheng's was by malaria in 1662. So it's our "T's" to raise a glass of gaoliang ju 高粱酒(sorghum liquor) to our own geneticist pirate, Gabriel. Enjoy the high seas in SD!

2) Louis Francis Albert Victor Nicholas George Mountbatten (June 25, 1900- August 27, 1979)

Hannah Giese 

"I'm not allowed to go on boats," Ms. Giese proclaimed as she regaled us with stories of mishaps that, although they had not been caused by her, seemed to happen every time she ventured onto a watercraft. In addition, Ms. Giese is our very own Anglophile, spewing out facts on Victorian society, body snatchers, and other things that have since been forgotten because remembering them does not give us a point on the board (although it should). Lord Mountbatten and Ms. Giese are drawn together by boats. Lord "Mountbottom," as he was known to his friends, met his end on a boat. He was a victim of the IRA's strange strategy to target random British public figures, no matter what their political stance was about Ireland.

Ms. Giese is also part of Durland "haute society" because of her undertakings in the art of ballet. And really, by partaking in any art, she makes us all look like Philistines (led by our very own Goliath, JP). To our great dismay, Ms. Giese's discerning palate prevents her from masticating at the table with the rest of us low-lives. I assume that I don't need to explain how Ms. Giese's elevated status in Durland relates to Admiral of the Fleet The Right Honorable Louis Francis Albert......Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma, KG, GCB, OM, GCSI...the snobbery is so long I can't even finish this dude's name. He was pretty much highly particular in every selection he made, except for when it came to whom he went to bed with for a bit of how's your father. Of course, Mountbatten is most famous for the role he played in the division of India and Pakistan, but we doubt Ms. Giese could play such a divisive roll in our very own Raj. So let's raise a cup of Darjeeling for the Lady in our lives, Hannah Giese.

3) Гео́ргий Константи́нович Жу́ков (Georgy Konstantinovich Zhukov) (December 1, 1896-June 18, 1974)

Amanda Phillips
 
Protection. We all know it's important. Hell, it's why we are alive(more accurately, it's a lack of protection...). Amanda Phillips is a protector of the finest of our natural resources, orca poop. She braves dogs (Well, Lars would be scared), seafarers and the Salish Sea to collect and protect it, thus ensuring the well-being of our fatherland. Sometimes it feels like Friday Harbor might as well be Khalkin Gol, Mongolia.

There have been cries from dark corners that the dogs are exploited and that Amanda is only well-known because of her shameless self-aggrandizement (via the Party blog), as well her ability to avoid vicious purges that have rocked the field of marine biology. No one, however, can deny her dedication and patriotism. And THUSLY, we proclaim her "our" Georgy Zhukov, a man who was given the Hero of the Soviet Union award not once, not twice, but FOUR times. That's like four purple hearts in a country where soldiers didn't have bullets. Guess it helps that he was a Marshal. Zhukov is acknowledged as a man who foresaw the future of a mechanized warfare style we know as blitzkrieg. He also foresaw the inevitable war between the U.S.S.R. and the Third Reich. He is often credited as the man who led his country to victory in the bloodiest war two nations have ever fought. We need Amanda to lead our Orcas into victory against the Nazi PCBs. So raise a glass of vodka for Amanda, the Commie Environmental Hero of the Soviet of Durland.

4) Fridtjorf Nansen (October 10, 1861-May 13, 1930)

Natalie Lomax

Slowly, but surely, Natalie Lomax has begin to register on Durland radar. Although she does not often enter the "land-known-by-various-names," she has invaded the ancestral homeland of the Durland tribe, Ballard. On notable occasions, such as the Great Yakima Migration and the Grand Fete of YOLO, she did make contact with Durland members. Her inability to drink an entire large "stomachache" did create some discontent within the tribe, however, because many view this ritual as sacred. 

After much deliberation, the Board has indicated that Natalie's POTW is Fridtjorf Nansen, the brave Norwegian polar explorer, diplomat, statesman, negotiator, zoologist, Noble Prize winner and developer of the field of neurology. Nansen was indeed one of the last great renaissance men. He is probably most famous for his innovation of new polar equipment and polar exploration techniques (like what his people wore and how they sailed on the ice and stuff...). Nansen, however, had one big secret. He wasn't really Norwegian. His family was originally from...Denmark (boo). I know what you are saying, they are all the same, which is true, but Denmark...come on. I suppose even if they don't have Swedish fish, they do have Dansk Fiske (*wink* *wink*, see inside jokes addendum). Let's be honest, Natalie has been brave in going where no other has gone before. She is our diplomat from a foreign nation, bringing fresh ideas and new insight from abroad, but all the while attempting to respect the traditional customs of our people. Plus, she works at Nordstroms, a Swedish-American company. Norway was united with Sweden for a majority of Nansen's life. So let's raise a glass of aquavit to our very own polar explorer extraordinaire, Natalie! SKOLL!

5) Moshe Dayan (May 20, 1915-Ocotber 16, 1981)

Keyan Hanson 
 
Let's be honest. Keyan creeps everyone out. And so did Moshe Dayan, what with the eye patch and all. Additionally, in her best-selling book, Dayan's ex-wife wrote an entire chapter detailing, "Moshe's bad taste in women." By the way, seems strange for a woman who was married to a man to do such a thing, but we digress. Keyan's taste in women might not be "bad" per say, but it is worth a scandalous chapter in our books. 

Despite their questionable attitude towards the opposite sex, we admire both of these men for their ferocity, dedication to the cause and their bravery. Dayan was one of the men who dedicated his life to the creation and protection of the state of Israel. Keyan has now dedicated his life to YOLO. Ariel Sharon is quoted as saying about Dayan, "He would wake up with a hundred ideas. Of them ninety-five were dangerous; three more were bad; the remaining two, however, were brilliant." If you just thought, "No Ariel, that's not Dayan...that's Keyan!" well, then you too have come to understand the parallels between these two men. WOAH! I mean, who drops $360 on alcohol for a party? Dangerous, maybe. Brilliant, yes! Dayan would have done the same thing, provided that it was something like $80 million on tanks.


Dayan was a simple man, raised on a kibbutz. He never forgot his humble roots as a farmer. Although Keyan may entertain delusions of grandeur, he will never leave his roots in Ballard. So raise a glass of Manischewitz for Durland's Minister of Defense, Keyan. WOAH! YAY!