Week 10 Power Rankings

Week 10 Power Rankings

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Poetry

I, too, dislike it.

Reading it, however, with a perfect contempt for it, one discovers in

it, after all, a place for the genuine.

-Marianne Moore

I have been accused, frequently, of being an occasional poet. I write in response to events, and not some artistic internal stimulus. Ideally, the occasion of poetry should be extended beyond birthdays and weddings. Perhaps even to blogs.

1: JP

He passed the test, made delicious barbeque and cleaned. He is dog sitting in my ancestral home, and making an easy buck for doing it. Most importantly, he’s become one of the few regular posters on the blog. The board is consistent. Pander to win. The “Days of CFA” flopped, but all else he touched this week turned to gold. Sickly sweet saccharine gold. Like apple juice. Speaking of which, the great American poet Andrew W.K. once had this incredible exchange with a critic, trying to get a profile.

Critic: Great show. Do you want to party? (Jokingly.)

Andrew W.K.: Yeah! I’ll bring the beer!

Critic: Actually, I don’t drink.

Andrew W.K.: Then I’ll bring the apple juice!

Here’s an excerpt from his hit song, “Party Hard.”

You,
You work all night (all night)
And when you work you don't feel all right
And when,
When things stop feeling all right (all right)
And everything is all right

JP is doing work, but feeling all right.

2: Lars

The Man-shee shattered all expectations and some ear drums with his euphoric yelps on Tuesday. In passing the CFA he garnered a life win, and the second spot this week. He is managing to spend more and more time in the house, so much so that he’s actually ahead of Mikey’s naked time. Lars has channeled the dilemma I described last week into a kind of quiet, contemplative serenity. Instead of fretting over not being in the right place, he seems to find harmony in his present surroundings. It’s a mindset exemplified by many of the current great Northwest poets, including Linda Bierds.  

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20143

3: Indecency

A working definition of poetry, by Robert Ogden, is “the right words, in the right place.” As a house, we screeched cacophonic vulgarities all week long. We shattered norms and expectations, with multiple moonings, a tits out party, Jeff’s continued assault on civilization, and the parking fiasco. Were the board more generous, they would see that our brash acts are a constructive destruction of mores, much like Larkin espousing the British gentility of his fellow Oxbridge poets.

This Be the Verse by Philip Larkin : The Poetry Foundation

4: Mikey

The annotations of Kubla Khan explain that Coleridge saw the vision as if in a dream, and was furiously scribbling done each detail of his Xanadu when a stranger knocked on his door. They had a long discussion, and when Coleridge return to his drafting table he could no longer recall the splendid interior vista he had created and departed. We now know, of course, that much of Coleridge’s creativity was aided by liberal opium use. Perhaps this adage answers the most pressing question concerning Mikey; “Where does he get this shit?”

His trivia, his bizarre insight into Gussin society, his brilliant “naked time vs. Lars time” challenge.. he refracts the soft light of Durland into something more menacing and angular. His mind must be a beautiful and terrifying place to be condemned, and it likely became that way thanks to drugs.

Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge : The Poetry Foundation

5: Nombelcity

NOrth Matthews Beach/East of Lake CITY (Nombelcity) is on the come up. Just ask any of the many who attended our party. None seemed in the least concerned by our proximity to a strip club (although two may have fallen under its influence.) All expressed sincere admiration for our house and its sweeping vista. Some, were lost… true… but the ability to confuddle tourists is a hallmark of a legitimate neighborhood (think Magnolia, Mercer Island or Queen Anne.)

I made friends with our local smoke shop proprietor, a kind gentleman who is open from 8:00 AM to 10:00 PM in the summer. Mikey is trying to woo the “hot librarian,” and Ben Luke’s father (who lives right next to Nathan Hale) claims that he lives in “Matthews Beach,” thereby affirming that small micro neighborhoods do have a right to sovereignty. This love of locale in its gritty splendor is best expressed by CK Williams in his collection, “Repair.” The poem Tar hits home, especially with regard to our “artisans” next door.

Tar by C. K. Williams : The Poetry Foundation

6:Jeff

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

Flarf

Jeff’s new catch phrase, similar to his last, “It’s not your fault,” seeks to unpack the emotionality of language. It’s funny in a smart and abrasive way. He is assaulting words. He is also almost always at the house. If not for his appalling tardiness in his dock master duties, he could have toppled one of the CFA takers. He even played settlers for Lord’s sake. Yet he chose to whittle away his time in isolation, surfing the intarwebs and trolling.

 

Conceptual Writing
 “Flarf vs. Coneptual Writing” by Kenneth Goldsmith.



K. Silem Mohammed, likewise, trolls poetry. He is perhaps the most prominent Flarf poet, and his work is entirely antithetical to the current method of workshop and peer review. He searches Google with weird terms, and selects snippets from the results. These become his poems.

Flarf started as a poetry troll and will not leave.

  Jeff started as a poetry troll and will not leave.

Poems About Trees by K. Silem Mohammad : Poetry Magazine


7: Zack
The author at 25. The author in Friday Harbor. The author in Ballard. The author in 7^th place.
This was a very poor week for Zack; with regard to housing. He threw a large party, but neglected to notify the landlord. He slept sporadically, but not because of cooking or writing or even gaming. He drank. And he stank. For his sake the board can only hope that the next quarter century is a little better than the first. With his peculiar sense of meaning and follies, and because it’s his favorite poet, Zack gets Ben Lerner.

The dark collects our empties, empties our ashtrays.

Did you mean ‘this could go on forever’ in a good way?

Up in the fragrant rafters, moths seek out a finer dust.

Please feel free to cue or cut

the lights. Along the order of magnitudes, a glyph,

portable, narrow—Damn. I’ve lost it. But its shadow. Cast

in the long run. As the dark touches us up.

Earlier you asked if I would enter the data like a room, well,

either the sun has begun to burn

its manuscripts or I’m an idiot, an idiot

with my eleven semi-precious rings. Real snow

on the stage. Fake blood on the snow. Could this go

on forever in a good way? A brain left lace from age or lightning.

The chicken is a little dry and/or you’ve ruined my life.

-Ben Lerner

8: Keyan

If he were a nineties serialized comedy movie star, he’d be Earnest. He has small disasters in well intentioned stories, and he fits the description of “earnest” to a T. This week, we brought beer pong tables, his sister and her friend, and himself to the party. And Keyan of yore supplied the liquor. But the most important thing he provided was his own sense of sincerity. His stories, though often tangential, speak to a deeper truth, like the dreamscape prose poem ramblings of James Tate.

The Search for Lost Lives by James Tate : The Poetry Foundation

9: Assessments 

This week was a trying one for our house. Lars and JP may have passed their tests, but Jeff magnificently failed his writing evaluation, due to not turning in a single sentence. We all were deemed unsatisfactory by the elusive cousins, who cut out after a little time. Perhaps we’d be better suited alternative assessment methods (portfolios, case examinations, peer reviews). In fact, the Board’s weekly rankings take the best of these three strategies and titrates it all into one powerful and intoxicating blog post. The  board’s inscrutable whims and obsession with textual engagement recall Eliot’s hyperdemanding poetry. Here’s another test: read this poem in its entirety.

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot : Poetry Magazine

10: Trivial Pursuits

Susan Parr’s “Dedication.”

Would I were good. Or even, God-

With one bright hand on the world,

the other holding the sun,

easing it up and down.

As I’m neither good, nor God,

But a man,

Arranging his life for the windmills to grind along-

Effort, followed by effort, more effort-

And as I therefore bend to certain whims:

To know more of man’s brain,

Raise more of his speed,

Build more of his bones-

Then for goodness sake I pray for them.

The gods, I mean. I mean the gods.

What better way to describe the house’s futile attempts to hit on the panoply of women at the party? Mike’s challenge for us to know more, Jeff’s charge to curse more, JP’s admonitions to invest more and Lars’ plea to dome more? This poem softly sculpts the deep futility and still beauty of being frenetic and frailly human.

Bottom Billion: Parity

One glance at our whiteboard and you’ll see significant deviation from a normal distribution. Settlers is being dominated by Mikey and me, while Mikey alone handily controls Ticket to Ride. Meanwhile, whereas 39% of CFA level 1 test takers failed, we were graced with a perfect 3/3. We live a in a beautiful house of luxury and excess. As Mason tried to express in his drunken stupor, there is something startling about brilliance or genius, presented demurely amongst a backwash of bland. Maybe it’s a problem of proximal relativity, but we are all very gifted… and that’s not fair. The same jolt out of place Mason experience  can be found in Pound’s “In a Station of the Metro”

In a Station of the Metro by Ezra Pound : Poetry Magazine

Week 9 Power Rankings

Ladies and Gentlemen,

“Siddhartha greeted her, and she lifted her head and looked up to him with a smile so that he saw the white in her eyes glistening. He called out a blessing to her, as it is the custom among travelers, and asked how far he still had to go to reach the large city. Then she got up and came to him, beautifully her wet mouth was shimmering in her young face. She exchanged humorous banter with him, asked whether he had eaten already, and whether it was true that the Samanas slept alone in the forest at night and were not allowed to have any women with them. While talking, she put her left foot on his right one and made a movement as a woman does who would want to initiate that kind of sexual pleasure with a man, which the textbooks call ‘climbing a tree.’ Siddhartha felts his blood heating up, and… he bent slightly down to the woman and kissed with his lips the brown nipple of her breast. Looking up, he saw her face smiling full of lust and her eyes, with contracted pupils, begging with desire.”

Siddhartha, Herman Hesse.

It’s summer, now, and the sweet fruit of the earth is laying itself bare and prostrate, supplicating for the pulsing bands of sun to enter its flesh and reach its stone or seed. Let’s talk about week 9, and lets talk about sex.

1: Anticipation
The waiting is the hardest part… especially since the part is hardest when waiting. We have so much to look forward to, and the tension is building. JP and Lars are awaiting the results from their CFA exam. Zack is counting down the days till his visit to Friday Harbor, and his birthday party. Likewise, Keyan can hardly contain his excitement at the prospect of bring his slack-lining prospects to Durland. Jeff is biding his time until his first “hit” arrives, and Mikey is a Colorado forest, kindling waiting to catch. Seriously, his erratic behavior is either a nod to underlying instability, or perversely silly nature. Maybe the upcoming fillet cup will be the match that sparks his pending crazy blaze. For all this pent up desire, anticipation takes the top spot, and earns the sexual act: Dry Humping.

2: Amanda

When house-members outside of the Fab Five crack the top 5, it shows grit and passion. This week, Amanda arrived at Durland with those in spades. She went straight from roughing it on Friday Harbor to camping in Chelan. No sleeping bags or pillows? No problem. She was at the house, or camping, for 6 out of the 7 days of the week, and that consistency belies the board’s rationale for granting her the silver spot. She granted the house the gift of instant carbonation, and made Durland a cleaner, happier place. She Settled for the first time, and shouldn’t settle for anything less than a top 2 spot. Her position for the week is woman on top, with a twist. Reverse Cowgirl.

3: Zack

The Big Air champ, and the Chest Hair king. He balanced his relational obligations, his familial obligations and his settler fascination. He put this power ranking out on time, by taking time from his precious mock drafts to synthesize the Board’s findings. (Speaking of which, I just drafted Ray Rice/Jamaal Charles/Roddy White/Mike Vick for my first four picks. Score!) For this feat of balance, and his typical grace, Zack gets the Lotus Position.
4: Keyan

After a stunning number one, Keyan managed to remain in the top 5 by providing transportation, planning and BLT consumption for the Chelan Shennanigans (not to be confused with Shalane Flanagan.) He has continued contact with the Slack Lining gals, and even managed to leave an impression on the Slide Water employee. He was a valiant adversary on the Downhill Racing course, and his alcohol is still fueling Durland. For his furious diligence in matters of the boudoir, Keyan gets the Piledriver.

5: Painfully Obvious
Clad in the drab, gray garb of, “duh”, this week was full of confirmations which we could have lived without. Mermaids don’t exist. Thanks, NOAA. JoPa knew about the Sandusky stuff. Walking in on Sandusky horsing around with boys in the shower was actually not his first clue. Should we be shocked? The Fed has decided to… stay the course! Mitt Romney, while the CEO, president and majority shareholder of Bain, was involved with Bain. For being so remarkably unremarkable, the painfully obvious gets missionary.

6:Lars
A dilemma is defined as a situation in which one is offered multiple choices, none of which are acceptable. Lars has been stuck in a Zen koan. He is being told to be at his Ballard house, Natalie’s house, work, and the Durland house… all at the same time. His response is something only a Zen master could derive, “Underwear time!” What a mu. What a man. A man being split between opposing forces: also known as the “Lucky Pierre.”

7: Mikey 
Mikey is like an emerging market. He could become a giant among men, with his vast and irreproachable knowledge and sharp analytical skills. He is, as of this writing, number one in Dots-not-including-Lol-and-asterisks, and yet something is missing. Maybe it’s JP’s hunger for money, or the author’s fear of falling. He is a changed being, a chimera. Will he possess the magic and strength of the fabled half breeds in the greek tradition, or is he an enfeebled mutant donkey? He missed out on camping, and has been working quite a bit, but also cooked a delicious and civilized meal to celebrate the camper’s return. He has limitless potential, but he has yet to finish. So,  he gets the position which most epitomizes the promise of more to come, for all parties involved. 69.

8:JP
Patriphile and handyman. He finished his room, and cleaned the house, but was absent from camping and much else this week. His dedication to so many people, and the urge to satisfy all parties involved, led to a tragedy of the commons. He was like a scrap of man-meat being picked at by a pack of jackals. He was a rusty trombone.




9: Now That’s What I Call Divorce 
Entropy, as a universal law of physics, is not swayed by weekly power rankings, or even the Board. However, this week it came out in force, dissolving the binds that tied Cruise and Holmes and Microsoft and NBC. Not only that, we lurched one step closer to the inevitable dissolution of the Eurozone, that Mormon monstrosity of polygamy in the east. Divorce has strewn much sorrow across our mortal plane this week, let’s just hope that it can teach autofellatio to those who it has hurt.






10: Jeff
L.A.N. parties. Not Local Access Network, but Leave of Absence for Nerdiness. Jeff decided that it was more important to L.O.L. in the Rose City than to hang out in Metrocity with his megamind. The whole point of the internet is that you can access it from anywhere. Not only was he absent from the house for a majority of the week, those days when he was in attendance he accumulated a highly disproportionate amount of docks. Jeff, this weak was week. You’ve been docked, and get docking.
 
Bottom Billion: Cults

The Tom Cruise missile’s detonation hurt Scientology. The Mormons continued to languish, as their Robo-candidate continues to struggle with human emotions. The EU fell to infighting, and seems on the verge of a schism. It was a bad week for cults of all sorts. They were effed in the a, puppy style. 

Building a better system

The end result from our life is that we want to be able to do anything, whenever we want, within of course the framework of the law. To that end, we must build something that allows us to gain a significant amount of money while not using our time to obtain that money. Before we can get to that point we need to build a variety of systems, each with its own purpose, to further us towards that goal.

1.      Physical System

Firstly, we need to simplify our surrounding environment. If we are going to build anything worthwhile to ourselves or humanity, we need to make sure that we are not tripping over ourselves. Throw away all the trash and various items strewn about your room. The next thing to do is get rid of all of the things you haven’t used in a year. This means everything in your room, clothes, sheets, books, everything. This means either, donating, trashing or putting them in storage. The remaining items should be things that you use on a daily or weekly basis. Once, only these critical items are left we can build a system around them. (More complete guide in coming weeks)

2.      Information System

The intake of information is a tricky subject. While there are some very important things that can be learned, not all information is equal in either content or relation to us. Once, again we must eliminate all of the shit. In the end, the only things that we want to be subscribed to are things that will immediately help us in whatever endeavor we are undertaking. Watching/ reading the news in the end is not worthwhile. If something is truly important, someone else will tell us about it. Most things can be ignored. While we can not be blind to the world forever, if we do not have the ability to change the world at the current moment, being informed of its activities is not necessary. Elimination of subscriptions and auto updates is perhaps the most efficient actions to take now. (More complete guide in coming weeks)

3.      Finance System

If there is anything that truly does not deserve our attention, it is our finance system. This should operate smoothly and in the periphery. We don’t check the plumbing in our house, nor the electrical unless there is something wrong. The same should be said for almost any system we build. Thanks to the internet, our financial system can be fully automated with direct deposits, automatic transfers, autopay and the like. All of our checking, savings, retirement and credit accounts should work seamlessly with each other all the time without any input from a human being. It should warn us when something is in danger of not working or some level is too low but otherwise leave it alone. (More complete guide in coming weeks)

4.      Cash Flow System

The point of the cash flow system is merely to sustain us while we are building something else. To this end, it should not be scaleable nor take very much of our time. It should generate about $500 a week and take less than 15 hours of our time. The remaining time is then put towards business development. The cash flow system is used to make sure we are not wasting our time on a low paying job. There are a number of smaller steps within the cash flow system to develop important skills that are useful regardless of individual talents. (More complete guide in coming weeks)

5.      Business Development

This stage is ultimately what we are shooting for. The development of your own business or in collaboration with someone else should be rewarding and in line with your personal interesting. Business Development can also mean building up yourself in terms of skills so that you can increase several pay grades very quickly or skip entire levels. (More complete guide in coming weeks)

Some overarching principles:

1.      Eliminate the unnecessary

2.      Clean each system (repairing/using each system should take no more than 10 mins each day. Overall maintenance/use for all systems should be less than 30 mins)

3.      Deflect as much as possible (filters, automations, delegation and paying people to complete the less important tasks.) This is incredibly important as you need to protect your time as your ability to develop your business is entirely contingent on how much time you have available.

4.      Update/revise each system at the beginning of the month (keep a notebook for how improvements can be made but don’t act on them, unless they can be made in under 2 mins, until the end of the month in one batch.

5.      Batch tasks together so that there is a familiar pattern to go through. Other than the times when you do batches, you should be working on your business. Unbroken attention for hours on end will garner the best results rather than checking email, etc constantly

People of the Week, Issue 2

Good evening,

It has recently come to our attention that I, the Director of Photography, and my publication of the People of the Week have been confused with the Board and its various productions. While my weekly publication is fully reviewed by the Board, POTW is strictly under the jurisdiction of the DOP. 

Now that this has been made clear, let us proceed to this week's POTW. I have chosen to draw links to members that, despite residing outside of the house (currently), remain undeniably and intimately linked to Durland and its residents. Their sanity is clearly in question. We apologize for the tardiness of this production. In no particular order, here they are:

1) 鄭成功 Zhèng Chénggong (Kongxia) (August 28, 1624—June 23, 1662)

Gabriel Pratt

Born in Japan, Zheng Chenggong, known in Western history as Kongxia, was a successful pirate and military leader that resisted the Manchu invasion of China and made Taiwan the base of his operations until his death at the age of 37. Gabe came to us from Japan and has attempted to resist our cultural influence on his heathen, barbaric ways. 

Despite his barbarism, Gabe is a well-known academic powerhouse that is continuing his studies in far off San Diego. Kongxia, too, was an accomplished scholar, passing the imperial examination system during the waning years of the Ming Empire. Both of them had rather unconventional childhoods that may have prepared them for the turbulence of their later years. Or, they may have led to them to life of wanton destruction (Gabe massacres kittens, right?). We will let you be the judge.

Zheng Chenggong had contact with various cultures that were settled in eastern Asia at the time, including the Japanese, Chinese, Manchus, native Taiwanese, Dutch, Portuguese and Spanish. Gabe, as well, has gallivanted across eastern Asia, searching for "contact" with various members of different cultural entities, usually (but not limited to) those of the female persuasion (we all remember the "I-Love-You-Too Phone Call," don't we?). Even Zheng's enemies wrote about his exploits and, in the end, came to honor him. The Manchu Qing dynasty established a temple to him in Taiwan after his death. The Dutch published popular accounts of his defeat of their forces. We, too, lap up any news of Gabe's lurid adventures, pressing him to reveal every tantalizing tidbit. We can only hope that Gabe's story is not cut short like Zheng's was by malaria in 1662. So it's our "T's" to raise a glass of gaoliang ju 高粱酒(sorghum liquor) to our own geneticist pirate, Gabriel. Enjoy the high seas in SD!

2) Louis Francis Albert Victor Nicholas George Mountbatten (June 25, 1900- August 27, 1979)

Hannah Giese 

"I'm not allowed to go on boats," Ms. Giese proclaimed as she regaled us with stories of mishaps that, although they had not been caused by her, seemed to happen every time she ventured onto a watercraft. In addition, Ms. Giese is our very own Anglophile, spewing out facts on Victorian society, body snatchers, and other things that have since been forgotten because remembering them does not give us a point on the board (although it should). Lord Mountbatten and Ms. Giese are drawn together by boats. Lord "Mountbottom," as he was known to his friends, met his end on a boat. He was a victim of the IRA's strange strategy to target random British public figures, no matter what their political stance was about Ireland.

Ms. Giese is also part of Durland "haute society" because of her undertakings in the art of ballet. And really, by partaking in any art, she makes us all look like Philistines (led by our very own Goliath, JP). To our great dismay, Ms. Giese's discerning palate prevents her from masticating at the table with the rest of us low-lives. I assume that I don't need to explain how Ms. Giese's elevated status in Durland relates to Admiral of the Fleet The Right Honorable Louis Francis Albert......Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma, KG, GCB, OM, GCSI...the snobbery is so long I can't even finish this dude's name. He was pretty much highly particular in every selection he made, except for when it came to whom he went to bed with for a bit of how's your father. Of course, Mountbatten is most famous for the role he played in the division of India and Pakistan, but we doubt Ms. Giese could play such a divisive roll in our very own Raj. So let's raise a cup of Darjeeling for the Lady in our lives, Hannah Giese.

3) Гео́ргий Константи́нович Жу́ков (Georgy Konstantinovich Zhukov) (December 1, 1896-June 18, 1974)

Amanda Phillips
 
Protection. We all know it's important. Hell, it's why we are alive(more accurately, it's a lack of protection...). Amanda Phillips is a protector of the finest of our natural resources, orca poop. She braves dogs (Well, Lars would be scared), seafarers and the Salish Sea to collect and protect it, thus ensuring the well-being of our fatherland. Sometimes it feels like Friday Harbor might as well be Khalkin Gol, Mongolia.

There have been cries from dark corners that the dogs are exploited and that Amanda is only well-known because of her shameless self-aggrandizement (via the Party blog), as well her ability to avoid vicious purges that have rocked the field of marine biology. No one, however, can deny her dedication and patriotism. And THUSLY, we proclaim her "our" Georgy Zhukov, a man who was given the Hero of the Soviet Union award not once, not twice, but FOUR times. That's like four purple hearts in a country where soldiers didn't have bullets. Guess it helps that he was a Marshal. Zhukov is acknowledged as a man who foresaw the future of a mechanized warfare style we know as blitzkrieg. He also foresaw the inevitable war between the U.S.S.R. and the Third Reich. He is often credited as the man who led his country to victory in the bloodiest war two nations have ever fought. We need Amanda to lead our Orcas into victory against the Nazi PCBs. So raise a glass of vodka for Amanda, the Commie Environmental Hero of the Soviet of Durland.

4) Fridtjorf Nansen (October 10, 1861-May 13, 1930)

Natalie Lomax

Slowly, but surely, Natalie Lomax has begin to register on Durland radar. Although she does not often enter the "land-known-by-various-names," she has invaded the ancestral homeland of the Durland tribe, Ballard. On notable occasions, such as the Great Yakima Migration and the Grand Fete of YOLO, she did make contact with Durland members. Her inability to drink an entire large "stomachache" did create some discontent within the tribe, however, because many view this ritual as sacred. 

After much deliberation, the Board has indicated that Natalie's POTW is Fridtjorf Nansen, the brave Norwegian polar explorer, diplomat, statesman, negotiator, zoologist, Noble Prize winner and developer of the field of neurology. Nansen was indeed one of the last great renaissance men. He is probably most famous for his innovation of new polar equipment and polar exploration techniques (like what his people wore and how they sailed on the ice and stuff...). Nansen, however, had one big secret. He wasn't really Norwegian. His family was originally from...Denmark (boo). I know what you are saying, they are all the same, which is true, but Denmark...come on. I suppose even if they don't have Swedish fish, they do have Dansk Fiske (*wink* *wink*, see inside jokes addendum). Let's be honest, Natalie has been brave in going where no other has gone before. She is our diplomat from a foreign nation, bringing fresh ideas and new insight from abroad, but all the while attempting to respect the traditional customs of our people. Plus, she works at Nordstroms, a Swedish-American company. Norway was united with Sweden for a majority of Nansen's life. So let's raise a glass of aquavit to our very own polar explorer extraordinaire, Natalie! SKOLL!

5) Moshe Dayan (May 20, 1915-Ocotber 16, 1981)

Keyan Hanson 
 
Let's be honest. Keyan creeps everyone out. And so did Moshe Dayan, what with the eye patch and all. Additionally, in her best-selling book, Dayan's ex-wife wrote an entire chapter detailing, "Moshe's bad taste in women." By the way, seems strange for a woman who was married to a man to do such a thing, but we digress. Keyan's taste in women might not be "bad" per say, but it is worth a scandalous chapter in our books. 

Despite their questionable attitude towards the opposite sex, we admire both of these men for their ferocity, dedication to the cause and their bravery. Dayan was one of the men who dedicated his life to the creation and protection of the state of Israel. Keyan has now dedicated his life to YOLO. Ariel Sharon is quoted as saying about Dayan, "He would wake up with a hundred ideas. Of them ninety-five were dangerous; three more were bad; the remaining two, however, were brilliant." If you just thought, "No Ariel, that's not Dayan...that's Keyan!" well, then you too have come to understand the parallels between these two men. WOAH! I mean, who drops $360 on alcohol for a party? Dangerous, maybe. Brilliant, yes! Dayan would have done the same thing, provided that it was something like $80 million on tanks.


Dayan was a simple man, raised on a kibbutz. He never forgot his humble roots as a farmer. Although Keyan may entertain delusions of grandeur, he will never leave his roots in Ballard. So raise a glass of Manischewitz for Durland's Minister of Defense, Keyan. WOAH! YAY!