Week 5 Power Rankings

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been, recently, much discussion about the existense/non-existence of the board.

Well, this week's rankings are being brought to you by the Chairman of the Board himself.

10: Sleep Many of us slept too much, too little, or sporadically this week. I ended up having dramatic swings of less than 4 hours on the weeknights, and then 10 hours on weekends. My heavy heeled mornings caused JP to have similar hours. Perhaps it's the now readily avaliable insant coffee, or the continuing influence of black tea, but we're all looking a little ragged around the edges. Perhaps we need less board games. Or, better yet, less equivocating about board games and wasted time not setting up the eventual, inevitable, nightly Dominion. Regardless, I'm going to try to push for more effectively sleeping in the wee small hours of the morning.

9: Flatulence

The  rumble from down under has been usurping our home. It seems like the carbon emissions in Durland need regulations, or a cap and trade style system. My theory is that the amount of farting is flat, but the pride with which our Streisand Songs are sang is rising. Let me write the final words: farting is not funny or clever. Farting is farting. It is like studying or reading trashy literature. Best done alone, in shame, and only when you have to.

8: Zack

This was, I hope, the worst week I'll have. I drove often, cooked rarely, cleaned my room and folded my laundry not-at-all. It was emphatically awful. I was studying, and stressed, and work was poor. But so are my excuses. The fact that I have two days to write the next power rankings should be proof of how inefficient I was this week. At times, my hectic and frenzied attempts at perfection fall starkly short. It's all or nothing at all, and this week it was the later.

7:Kourosh

Wasted on Saturday and oven fixed on Tuesday. He has a new carport, a newly graduated daughter and came through in the clutch, providing us with round the clock baking without compromising too many cabinets. However, it took him forever to get the oven fixed, and we are no longer able to use the drawer formerly known as our knife drawer.

6: Racism

Jeff's failed attempt at drawing "dark" in pictionary highlighted just how racist this week was. George and I devolved into a huge, racially motivated argument about fantasy football. Mikey has been forming new stereotypes about the ethnic groups in the Old World, thanks to the Eurocup. Lars is named LARS, for Christ's sake. Guys, we can do better. Let's start judging others and each other based upon whats under our skin.

5: Jeff (5)

Jeff ended this week at the five spot, due to a number of poor choices. He had a strong week for Jeff, manging to rip ass at inoportune moments and continue his streak (pardon the pun) of most offensive house mate. However, he still hasn't reported to work, and the board has serious doubts about whether or not he even has a job.

4: JP (3)

A rather typical week for JP. He cleaned the kitchen, and didn't manage to offend anyone (other than by playing his fratastic music,) but he also disappeared to float down Lake Union with Lars Jim (see Racism, #6.) Perhaps his greatest asset this week has been the almost British regal resignation with his station. He is quietly enduring the almost-adjacent drumming, and our (my) dancing on the ceiling every morning.

3: House Morale

This was an exceptionally chipper week. We had random acts of kindness from housemate to housemate, including those that Mikey and Jeff perform in Cirith Ungol. Everyone was around the house, and we had by far our highest rate of boardgame playing so far. I'd like to think that it's the blog, but it's more likely the medication I've been including in my house wide meals. Or the sun. Regardless, the board is very happy about this warm and fuzziness. Amidst all of the uncertainty in Europe, it's nice to see entitled white people getting along.

2: Mikey (2)

It seems like Mikey's stuck as a bit of a silver surfer, but he'll have to settle with second once again this week. He planted the tomato and basil plants, the latter of which managed to provide basil for our pizza. He participated in the most board games of any house member, by far. He even managed to mow part of the lawn. But the front yard is still untrimmed, and so is his creepy porn-stache. I think he believes this hirsute folly makes him appear wise. It does not.

1: Lars (4)

This was perhaps the most contentious decision the board has made yet. It was a split vote, with the tie breaker going to me, creative. Some of the board members felt that Lars' ineptitude in fiduciary responsibilites made him inelligible for the top spot. Others wanted to respond what Lars clearly demonstrated to be grotesque levels of pandering to the board. He cleaned, he whistled, he provided food and was present. He was willing to do anything for this position. Perhaps he set the bar very low, but Lars' had a great week by the board's standard for any of our housemates. The deciding factor was his willingness to contribute to the blog. Let this be an example for all: pander to the blog, and the blog shall reward you kindly.

Updated Cumulative Totals:

Jeff: 5

Lars: 4.75

Zack: 4.2

JP: 4
Mikey: 2.4