Week 2 Power Rankings

Ladies and Gentlemen,


It's back and better than ever. Due in no part to Jeff's sniveling whining, Week 2 Power Rankings. Get it while it's hot.
A new feature this week, the bracketed numbers indicate last week's ranking, with (UN) signifying unranked.
In addition, this week's power rankings were produced in collaberation with a grand friend of the blog Tom Waits, who also modeled for the Power Ranking logo to the right. Thanks, TW.


10: Wireless Router  (UN)
It shouldn't be this difficult. The intarwebs is coming into the house, directly from the mountain spring and bottled at the source. All we want you to do, Mr. Router, is atomize this bountiful resource and disperse it into the ether, where our computers can smell it and gain its power. I have died too many lag deaths in Diablo 3, and I'm not even in inferno.
I dedicate this one to you, router. For breaking my heart on the memorial day weekend. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEPX1CMPiTA
9: Flies (1)
We are now in the process of cleaning up after the slaughter. The combination of chemical warfare and espionage has proven too much for these filthy specks with wings. Our first victory came agianst a mighty airforce. Perhaps the next will come at sea, but those buzzing bastards are gone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feTLUntrls8
8: Creativity (UN)
We couldn't come up with anything better than "cream-otorium" or "smegma." Come on. We're the future-smartest-guys-in-the-room and we couldn't do better than semen jokes? Boo. Boo on us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ4sK-Q42AU&feature=related The good Dr. Waits is going to set us straight on what true creativity looks like.
7: JP (UN)
Look, man. We all know you're going to pass. So you showing up inexcusibaly late to dinner with a nebish girlfriend is not cool. Stop the pretext. You're "studying" with a comic book interposed among the textbooks just to have an excuse not to do any real work. It's degrading to people like Lars who are actually working their butts off to study in addition to rocking a full time job. If you're looking for something to do with all the spare time you should have, ask this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GugzLSbOQE
6: Jeff (6)
Stuck in the 6 spot, Jeff has so much yet to tapped potential. He could come through with the full dining set. He could get a job and stop whining about the lack of power rankings. He could learn to eat food not readily avaliable at a McDonalds. But instead he just skulks around upstairs, and sabatoges any productive conversations of house names with his vulgarity. He is the most likely Benedict Arnold among us, the one who created an underground railroad to usher in the Flies.
For your constant and unabating vulgarity, I give you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6Q-gR8bW40
 5: Lars (UN)
If not for JP's piss poor performance, he would have fallen further. We were anchored at 45 minutes late, so Lars looks damn timely by showing up 30 minutes late and even texting ahead of time, even if the text arrived even later. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktCocv-bBDg. You know why you get this one, Lars. You know.

4: Zack
Breakfast burritos today, a full Indian buffet on Monday, cookies again, but this time with candied almonds and french fries on demand. Throw in the smattering of so-so breakfasts, and we're still doing ok. It's not the full catering service which is set to arrive on Sunday, but it aint nothing. Also, level 58 in Diablo 3, act 3 of Hell, thankyouverymuchforasking. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V-sKVGDEiU
3: Previously ranked #1 this week Oven (10) 
The biggest swing yet, we have a new oven coming in on Friday, between 10:30 and 2:30. I assured Kourosh that we could have someone there, in fact, I said that "I could arrange that." So now our landlord thinks I'm a mafia big wig. Perhaps this will help resolve the rent paying problem above. Regardless, whoever is going to man up and wait around the house tomorrow afternoon, Kourosh wants them to put the old oven in our garage, since he's hoping to find a "use for it." I'm getting a little hint of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaLjwSpZ6Cs
with this.


2: Paying Rent (2)
For the second time. That's right, it happened so suddenly, and we're a little bit up a waterway of fecal matter. I don't have a checkbook, and I won't be able to swing by the bank tonight (since I'm still at work, fuck month's end) and I certainly can't make it tomorrow before work. So... this ranking is actually a bit speculative. I'm putting a number 2 on here because I'm confident that we are going to work this out. 
Somehow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsIl4eIwufk Mikey has stepped up and written a check. We should all make out check or cash payments to him, and thank him for being a thug.

1: Previously ranked #3 this week Mikey (7)
A big jump for Mikey, who came through in the clutch with spicy as hell korean food, a bevy of ingredients from H mart and an entertaining round of "drinking" games. If not for his tendency to disappear for days, he could've been a contender for the top spots. Mikey has stepped up and written a rent check for tomorrow, and in doing so has earned the number one spot for the week. Have fun sitting on your spikey throne, Mikey. Between his incessent piano playing and his exhaustive knowledge of drinking games, I'm givin Mikey this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woJjIQssZw8